Stress is a part of life.  According to Thea Singer in her book, Stress Less, stress can be categorized as either “challenge stress” or “threat stress.”    Challenge stress refers to situations that are difficult but we are able to cope.  Threat stress refers to situations that are overwhelming (possibly challenging some of our core values/plans) and we may not have the resources to cope.

 Infertility treatment often increases stress.  Many times the stress is experienced as “threat stress.”  Mind-body medicine offers ways to cope better with this high level of stress.  Recognizing this connection between our mental health and our body’s health is important in finding solutions to face difficult situations.

Here are some examples of mind-body interventions:

• Yoga
• Acupuncture
• Meditation
• Guided imagery
• Prayer and spirituality
• Cognitive behavioral therapy
• Hypnosis
• Expressive writing
• Art therapy
• Biofeedback

 Join us for our monthly meeting, “exhale”, where we discuss stress and infertility.  Find out how to cope with fertility treatment in healthy ways.  We meet on the third Thursday of each month from 7-8pm at the Grand Rapids location of The Fertility Center.  Meeting are open to any current patient at The Fertility Center and are offered free of charge.

Please call Kristin (616-988-2229 X 104) for additional information or to let us know you plan to join us.

Submitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW (October 2011)

Holidays:

Attend Holiday Parties

DO

Be selective about accepting invitations to parties and holiday celebrations, especially the ones at which you know there will be a lot of children or pregnant women. Remember: you don’t have to say yes.

DON’T

Feel guilty about not participating in all the traditional family events. You’ve had a difficult year, and you need to concentrate on helping yourselves and each other get through the holidays.

Visit Family and Friends

DO

Plan to spend time with other couples or friends who don’t have children-if family festivities are too much to bear this year.

If you find it painful to be around your young nieces, nephews, and cousins, consider arriving just in time for the holiday dinner rather than the night before.

DON’T

Rely completely on old family traditions to fulfill your present needs.

Celebrate

DO

Spend time doing things you like best: preparing a spectacular meal, taking long walks, going horse-back riding or jogging, or curling up by a fire with a good novel.

Plan a special trip for just the two of you-a ski weekend, or a few nights at a cozy country inn. You may have to put up with comments like, “How can you be so selfish?” or “The holiday won’t be the same without you.” But those remarks may be easier to bear than a holiday table packed with children.

Begin your own family traditions: a special ceremony or ritual that says that the two of you are already a family, and that you can rejoice in your love for each other, with or without children.

DON’T

Pretend that there’s nothing wrong and carry on with “business as usual.”

Share Your Feelings

DO

Decide in advance how you will handle difficult and insensitive questions. You may even want to rehearse your answers. (You can decide to be honest with friends and relatives as to why you can’t join certain celebrations and traditions which are just too painful right now).

Express your apprehension to friends and relatives who have given you their love and support during the last year. Be sure to keep in close contact with your friends at RESOLVE; many of them are in the same boat and can understand and offer the support that perhaps your family cannot.

DON’T

Be caught off guard by unexpected or embarrassing questions about your plans for having a family.

Plan your responses, but don’t feel that you have to disclose all the details of your situation either.

Lend a Helping Hand

DO

Try to help others in need. Visit an elderly or bed ridden relative; volunteer at a hospital or nursing home; or participate in a holiday program to help the homeless. Cheering up other victims of the holiday blues has a rejuvenating effect.

DON’T

Close yourself off to positive feelings and new experiences. You may find that you have a special ability to make others feel good, even though you’re not feeling upbeat yourself.

Stay Tuned-In to Each Other’s Needs

DO

Set aside time to share your feelings with each other. Allow yourself to feel sad, deprived or depressed. Infertility is a major life crisis, and you are entitled to those feelings. Talk with each other about your feelings. Your spouse may be able to help you through rough times.

Give yourself, and each other, frequent pats on the back for making it through the holidays. Remember to capture the “spirit” in each holiday which makes it special. Participate in activities which bring meaning to you at this time; create the joy intended in celebrating the holiday for its own sake.

DON’T

Get caught up in the whirlwind of the holidays and forget about each other. You need each other’s comfort more than ever.

Seeking help

DO

Talk to our counselor on staff, Kristen, if you are having difficulty with the holidays and these suggestions are not helping you. As mentioned before, infertility is a major life crisis and not everyone has the support in their family or friends they need. Kristen is here to help and listen to your feelings. There is no charge to you to schedule an appointment with her. Just call our office to set up an appointment at any time.

Call RESOLVE’s National Helpline @ 888-623-0744. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by the holidays, whenever you need someone to talk to, their peer counselors will be happy to listen and to offer RESOLVE resources. Give them a call, you are not alone!!

DON’T

Feel as if there is something “wrong with you” if you need help outside your family and friends. It is difficult for them to know what to say or not to say to a family member or friend that is going through infertility. It may lessen the stress of your time together if you can talk to someone who understands and can listen to you without offering advice.

We hope these suggestions are a help to our patients during this difficult time.  This information is also on the RESOLVE website.

Many patients at The Fertility Center experience symptoms related to stress while they are trying to get pregnant.  Stress reduction techniques can help in managing overwhelming feelings.  Meditation is one helpful technique that many people have heard about but often don’t know how to implement in their daily life.

 Meditation is simple practice.  To start, find yourself a quiet place and sit in a comfortable position.  You can close your eyes and might try to listen to soft music.  Spend about five minutes taking deep breaths.  On the exhale, find a word to repeat to yourself like “peace”, “calm” or “soft”.   Your mind will wander, especially if you are just learning to meditate.  Keep bringing your awareness back to your breath.  At the end of five minutes, slowly open your eyes and pay attention to your mood.

 It may take several weeks to get used to meditating and feel that this practice is part of your normal self-care routine.  Once or twice a day is best.  There are many ways to practice meditation, feel free to explore other ways that might work for you.   Don’t give up, even if this feels a little “weird” at first. 

 For more information about meditation you can go to: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/meditation/HQ01070 or look at the book:  The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson.   “You tube” has other information from Herbert Benson and has various meditation segments to assist you. 

 Feel free to schedule a counseling session at the Grand Rapids office to talk about this and other stress management techniques in more detail. 

 Submitted by:  Kristin Blackwell, LMSW (The Fertility Center counselor)

Holidays:

Attend Holiday Parties

DO

Be selective about accepting invitations to parties and holiday celebrations, especially the ones at which you know there will be a lot of children or pregnant women. Remember: you don’t have to say yes.

DON’T

Feel guilty about not participating in all the traditional family events. You’ve had a difficult year, and you need to concentrate on helping yourselves and each other get through the holidays.

Visit Family and Friends

DO

Plan to spend time with other couples or friends who don’t have children-if family festivities are too much to bear this year.

If you find it painful to be around your young nieces, nephews, and cousins, consider arriving just in time for the holiday dinner rather than the night before.

DON’T

Rely completely on old family traditions to fulfill your present needs.

Celebrate

DO

Spend time doing things you like best: preparing a spectacular meal, taking long walks, going horse-back riding or jogging, or curling up by a fire with a good novel.

Plan a special trip for just the two of you-a ski weekend, or a few nights at a cozy country inn. You may have to put up with comments like, “How can you be so selfish?” or “The holiday won’t be the same without you.” But those remarks may be easier to bear than a holiday table packed with children.

Begin your own family traditions: a special ceremony or ritual that says that the two of you are already a family, and that you can rejoice in your love for each other, with or without children.

DON’T

Pretend that there’s nothing wrong and carry on with “business as usual.”

Share Your Feelings

DO

Decide in advance how you will handle difficult and insensitive questions. You may even want to rehearse your answers. (You can decide to be honest with friends and relatives as to why you can’t join certain celebrations and traditions which are just too painful right now).

Express your apprehension to friends and relatives who have given you their love and support during the last year. Be sure to keep in close contact with your friends at RESOLVE; many of them are in the same boat and can understand and offer the support that perhaps your family cannot.

DON’T

Be caught off guard by unexpected or embarrassing questions about your plans for having a family.

Plan your responses, but don’t feel that you have to disclose all the details of your situation either.

Lend a Helping Hand

DO

Try to help others in need. Visit an elderly or bed ridden relative; volunteer at a hospital or nursing home; or participate in a holiday program to help the homeless. Cheering up other victims of the holiday blues has a rejuvenating effect.

DON’T

Close yourself off to positive feelings and new experiences. You may find that you have a special ability to make others feel good, even though you’re not feeling upbeat yourself.

Stay Tuned-In to Each Other’s Needs

DO

Set aside time to share your feelings with each other. Allow yourself to feel sad, deprived or depressed. Infertility is a major life crisis, and you are entitled to those feelings. Talk with each other about your feelings. Your spouse may be able to help you through rough times.

Give yourself, and each other, frequent pats on the back for making it through the holidays. Remember to capture the “spirit” in each holiday which makes it special. Participate in activities which bring meaning to you at this time; create the joy intended in celebrating the holiday for its own sake.

DON’T

Get caught up in the whirlwind of the holidays and forget about each other. You need each other’s comfort more than ever.

Seeking help

DO

Talk to our counselor on staff, Kristen, if you are having difficulty with the holidays and these suggestions are not helping you. As mentioned before, infertility is a major life crisis and not everyone has the support in their family or friends they need. Kristen is here to help and listen to your feelings. There is no charge to you to schedule an appointment with her. Just call our office to set up an appointment at any time.

Call RESOLVE’s National Helpline @ 888-623-0744. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by the holidays, whenever you need someone to talk to, their peer counselors will be happy to listen and to offer RESOLVE resources. Give them a call, you are not alone!!

DON’T

Feel as if there is something “wrong with you” if you need help outside your family and friends. It is difficult for them to know what to say or not to say to a family member or friend that is going through infertility. It may lessen the stress of your time together if you can talk to someone who understands and can listen to you without offering advice.

We hope these suggestions are a help to our patients during this difficult time.  This information is also on the RESOLVE website.