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Fertility treatment is often emotionally challenging both individually and as a couple.  Some couples experience significant problems while trying to navigate the process.

Be honest about your feelings.  During treatment, you will have many important decisions to make.   You and your partner may not agree on the best path to take.  While it may be difficult to share feelings that are controversial, the outcome of fertility treatment is so important that you need to truthfully express your thoughts and feelings.  Actively listen to your partner to make sure that you  understand their point of view throughout the process.

Look for ways to help each other out.  Talk with your partner about how thing are going, and offer suggestions for ways they can help support you.  Even if one person always takes the garbage out and the other person always does the laundry, you may need to change responsibilities at home in order to lighten the load for someone.  Also, keep in mind that fertility treatment can be stressful so be realistic about responsibilities and simplify things as much as possible.

Be more than fertility patients.  Fertility treatment can be all-consuming.  You forget who you were as a couple before this process started.  Treat each other with the same admiration and respect you would if you were still dating.  Make sure to do things that you enjoy with one another.  When you talk to one another, make sure to focus on the positive things going on in your lives as well as fertility.

Submitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW, Counselor at the Fertility Center (August 2009)

Thoughts on seeking support during fertility treatment

 For many of our patients, infertility treatment is one of the most difficult challenges they face.  The uncertainty about the outcome coupled with the importance of having children, causes people to experience a wide range of feelings.  Sometimes people feel hopeful when they begin to see a fertility specialist.  They feel that coming to the specialist must be the answer.  However, if positive results don’t happen quickly, hope begins to diminish and worry sets in. 

 You are not alone.  Most of the things people think and feel during treatment are normal.  For many patients, weathering the emotional ups and downs of treatment can be difficult over time.  At times, the stress of going through treatment can even effect people’s marriages, jobs and relationships with others.

 Because infertility is such a personal issue, patients may hesitate to discuss their feelings with others.  Many patients talk themselves out of coming to see a counselor thinking that they can deal with treatment on their own.  However, patients who participate in even just a couple of counseling sessions often report that they feel much better while trying to get pregnant.   Many people find it helpful to speak with someone who understands and can provide assurance that their feelings are normal.   Family, friends, support groups and religious leaders can also provide insight and comfort during this time.

 The Fertility Center offers counseling at no cost in the Grand Rapids office to help people sort through the variety of feelings they are experiencing.   An experienced counselor can give indivualized ideas on how to get through treatment in a healthy way.   Seeking help during difficult times is a wise idea.  Taking care of our emotions is an important part of an over all wellness plan.

Sumbitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW, Counselor at the Fertility Center (March 2009)

We understand how devastating a pregancy loss is and want to offer support to you during this time.  Losing a baby is especially difficult for couples who have struggled with infertility.   

What to expect the next few weeks:

 ·                    Right now you may be in shock and feel tearful much of the time.  This is normal. 

·                    People tend to experience grief in stages.  Expect that your feelings will change over time and that most people experiencing pregnancy loss feel similiar feelings.

·                    You may or may not want to talk to others about what has happened.  Feel free to talk as much or as little as you are comfortable.  You may want to let others know if you are up for talking.

·                    You, as a couple, may have different reactions to your loss.  Be patient with one another.  You will each have good days and bad days.

·                    Let others know if there are specific things that you need.  People are looking for ways to help and you may benefit from giving them some responsibilbity now to ease your load.

·                    If you wish, you can name the baby or create memories that remind you of your baby.  This can help you as you think or talk about your baby in the future.

 There is a lot of information about healing following a pregnancy loss.  If you feel up to reading, you may want to find a good book or go on the internet to find more helpful suggestions on dealing with your grief.  It may also help to hear that there are other people who have shared a similiar experience.

 We have an on-site counselor in the Grand Rapids office who can meet with you individually or as a couple free of charge.  She is also available by phone if you are unable to come in person.  Many of our patients find that it is helpful to talk to someone during this difficult time.  Please call the Grand Rapids office (616-988-2229) to schedule an appointment if you would like.

Submitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW, counselor at the Fertility Center (March 2009)

You may have learned recently that using donor eggs, donor sperm or donated embryos could be a good medical option for you.  For many patients, the donor process is a new concept.  At times it can seem confusing or overwhelming.  This is normal.  We want to help you get some of your questions answered, and we are available to speak with you to help decide what is the best choice.

Step one:  Decide if this is an option that you want to consider.

It is critical that you and your partner agree on the next step in treatment.  If you get pregnant using donor eggs, donor sperm or donated embryos, this decision has life-long implications for both of you.  Often patients focus on getting pregnant and don’t think about what it will be like to raise a child that is conceived in a different way. 

One important conversation to have with your partner is about disclosure.  If this is successful for you, will you tell the child and/or others?  If you plan to tell your child, how and when do you think you would tell?  There is valuable information available about disclosure which helps you make an informed decision.  You may want to look on the internet for information (often under the topic of third-party reproduction).  Some good websites are:

          www.theafa.org

          www.resolve.org

          www.asrm.org

Step-two:  Notify the office of your decision and schedule your appointment with the counselor.  The counseling appointment will review donor options in detail and provide you with more information.  You do not have to be certain of your decision before meeting with the counselor.

Feel free to contact us at any time with questions/concerns.  Either the donor coordinator or the counselor in the Grand Rapids office are helpful resources.