Build Your Family With Us.

 By nature, infertility treatment causes stress.  Stress may be actual (i.e.: appointments, financial, etc.) or perceived (worry about outcome, etc.).  Some stress can be healthy, but chronic stress can cause difficulty over time. 

Stress produces a physiological response in our bodies.  Our brain sends a message to our adrenal glands to release the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol.  This response (often referred to as the “fight or flight” response) is developmentally adaptive and helps us survive in times of difficulty.  Unfortunately when we experience chronic stress, we over produce these stress hormones and the high level can have negative effects on our body.

What can you do?

First, pay attention to how stress may be affecting your body.  How are you sleeping?  Do you have unhealthy food cravings?  Are you having difficulty thinking clearly?  Do you seem to get sick easily?  Do you feel anxious or nervous much of the time?  Are you having trouble with your relationships to other people?

Second, know that you are not alone.  Many infertility patients experience difficulty with chronic stress.  Connecting with others (in person or on-line) who are going through a similar journey can be helpful.

Third, make yourself a priority.  Your physical and emotional well being is critical to the infertility process.  Make improvements in your eating to nutritionally support your wellness.  Find foods that are nutrient dense (i.e. whole foods, plenty of plants).  Also, try getting regular exercise.  And finally, add some relaxation exercises to your routine to help combat stress.

The Fertility Center offers counseling for all of our patients as well as a monthly stress-reduction support group “exhale.”  Feel free to contact our counselor, Kristin, to discuss your individual situation (616-988-2229 X104).

Submitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW (counselor at The Fertility Center)

With the start of a new year, many people are setting goals and trying to be hopeful for things to come in 2012.  But if you struggle with fertility issues, the New Year often comes with a mixture of feelings.   For some, the New Year can be a reminder of a year gone by where things may not have happened as you had hoped.  You may be reminded of the ups and downs that have occurred during this past year.  Depending on where you are in your treatment, you may need to set some goals which help you approach your fertility treatment in a renewed way.

Here are some suggestions:

• Try to do things regularly that improve your mood (i.e.: take a walk outside, sit by the fire with a loved one, buy flowers to put in your home, etc.)   You may need to spend some time thinking about what you enjoy or what brings you happiness.  Consider writing ideas down and picking something daily or weekly to try.

•   Be realistic about new diet/exercise goals.  This may not be a good time to make drastic changes in your health.  Making a daily commitment to be active and eat healthier is always a good idea.

• Take advantage of the support around you.  Family and friends can be a good support while dealing with fertility challenges.  Sometimes attending a support group or talking to a counselor can be helpful too.  This may be your first time to try a support group or counseling.  Many people find support groups and counseling to be more beneficial than they had thought.  

•  Attend the monthly mind-body group, “exhale,” at The Fertility Center to learn stress reduction ideas.  See our website for additional details.

 The Fertility Center also offers on-site counseling at no cost to our patients.  You may call the office and schedule appointment at your convenience.

 Submitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW (counselor at the Fertility Center)

Attending Holiday Parties

DO be selective about accepting invitations to parties and holiday celebrations, especially the ones at which you know there will be a lot of children or pregnant women. Remember: you don’t have to say yes.

DON’T feel guilty about not participating in all the traditional family events. You’re going through a difficult time, and you need to concentrate on helping yourself and your partner get through the holidays.

Visiting Family and Friends

DO plan to spend time with couples or friends who don’t have children if family festivities are too much to bear this year.  Consider arriving just in time for the holiday dinner, rather than the night before if you find it painful to be around your young nieces, nephews and cousins.

DON’T rely completely on family traditions to fulfill your present needs.

Celebrations

DO spend time doing things you like best: preparing a spectacular meal, taking long walks, going horse-back riding or jogging, or curling up by a fire with a good novel.  Plan a special trip just for you and your partner: a ski weekend, or a few nights at a cozy country inn. You may have to put up with comments like, “How can you be so selfish?” or “The holiday won’t be the same without you.” But those remarks may be easier to bear than a holiday table packed with children.  Begin your own family traditions: a special ceremony or ritual that says that you and your partner are already a family, and that you can rejoice in your love for each other, with or without children.

DON’T pretend that there’s nothing wrong and carry on with “business as usual.”

Sharing Your Feelings

DO decide in advance how you will handle difficult and insensitive questions. You may even want to rehearse your answers. (You can decide to be honest with friends and relatives as to why you can’t join certain celebrations and traditions which are just too painful right now.)  Express your appreciation to friends and relatives who have given you their love and support. Be sure to keep in close contact with friends who are also struggling with fertility issues; many of them are in the same boat and can understand and offer the support that perhaps your family cannot.

DON’T be caught off guard by unexpected or embarrassing questions about your plans for having a family.  Plan your responses, but don’t feel that you have to disclose all the details of your situation either.

Lending a Helping Hand

DO try to help others in need. Visit an elderly or bed-ridden relative; volunteer at a hospital or nursing home; or participate in a holiday program to help the homeless. Cheering up other victims of the holiday blues has a rejuvenating effect.

DON’T close yourself off to positive feelings and new experiences. You may find that you have a special ability to make others feel good, even though you’re not feeling upbeat yourself.

Stay Tuned in to Your Partner’s Needs

DO set aside time to share your feelings with each other.  Allow yourself to feel sad, deprived or depressed.  Infertility is a major life crisis, and you are entitled to those feelings.  Talk with each other about your feelings.  Your spouse may be able to help you through rough times.   Give yourself, and each other frequent pats on the back for making it through the holidays.  Remember to capture the “spirit” in each holiday which makes it special.  Participate in activities which bring meaning to you at this time; create the joy intended in celebrating the holiday for its own sake. 

DON’T get caught up in the whirlwind of the holidays and forget about each other you need each other’s comfort more than ever.

Seeking Help

DO talk to our counselor, Kristin, if you are having difficulty with the holidays and these suggestions are not helping you.  Kristin is here to help and listen to your feelings.  She is available to meet at the Grand Rapids location or can talk by phone.  There is no charge to meet with her.  You can schedule appointments with the office staff.

DON’T feel as there is something “wrong with you” if you need help outside your family and friends.  It is difficult for them to know what to say or not say to a family member or friend that is struggling with fertility issues. 

We hope these suggestions are a help to our patients during this time.  This information is adapted from RESOLVE and is also available through their website.

The Fertility Center offers on-site confidential counseling at the Grand Rapids location for individuals or couples at no cost.  You may schedule an appointment with our front desk or by calling the office at 616-988-2229.

Great public awareness campaign by RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association and Redbook Magazine. Check out the videos and share your own! Be sure to let us know if you share!

The Truth About Trying

Stress is a part of life.  According to Thea Singer in her book, Stress Less, stress can be categorized as either “challenge stress” or “threat stress.”    Challenge stress refers to situations that are difficult but we are able to cope.  Threat stress refers to situations that are overwhelming (possibly challenging some of our core values/plans) and we may not have the resources to cope.

 Infertility treatment often increases stress.  Many times the stress is experienced as “threat stress.”  Mind-body medicine offers ways to cope better with this high level of stress.  Recognizing this connection between our mental health and our body’s health is important in finding solutions to face difficult situations.

Here are some examples of mind-body interventions:

• Yoga
• Acupuncture
• Meditation
• Guided imagery
• Prayer and spirituality
• Cognitive behavioral therapy
• Hypnosis
• Expressive writing
• Art therapy
• Biofeedback

 Join us for our monthly meeting, “exhale”, where we discuss stress and infertility.  Find out how to cope with fertility treatment in healthy ways.  We meet on the third Thursday of each month from 7-8pm at the Grand Rapids location of The Fertility Center.  Meeting are open to any current patient at The Fertility Center and are offered free of charge.

Please call Kristin (616-988-2229 X 104) for additional information or to let us know you plan to join us.

Submitted by Kristin Blackwell, LMSW (October 2011)